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« The Importance of Emotional Nutrition | Main | Interview with Eric Roberts ~ Gosselins, Reality TV, & More »
Wednesday
Nov102010

The Truth About the School Situation ~ Two Expelled, Not Suspended

It has now come out from HollyBaby and other sources that two of the children were expelled from their private school located in Lancaster County, PA.   I've known about this for a while but was hoping it wouldn't become public knowledge.   I was hoping that just this once some school employee or parent of another student wouldn't sell out and further hurt these kids.   I certainly wasn't going to tell.    It is the kind of thing I don't normally write about because it is painful and only adds to the already-overflowing heap of unhappy documentation these kids are going to have to hash through over many years when they're ready to try to make sense of their childhoods.    Which they most certainly eventually will.

 

In this previous blog post  I wrote about a family dynamic known in the field of counseling as  the "identified patient."   At the time of that writing there was one child who was regularly singled out as being a troublemaker.  We now have two more identified patients within the Gosselin family.               

 

We are talking about six year old kids here.   Flesh and blood young emotionally tender children who are still in early stages of development.   They have consistently shown in many ways that they just want to be home, they want to be loved by their parents, they want to have friends, and they want to have normal fun like other kids.  They are no different from kids that we all know, all have, and all were.   Yet they were driven to the point where they had to have monitors with them at all times at school because of repeated incidents of acting out, and eventually they were expelled because even that wasn't enough.

 

No doubt this news will precipitate lots of talk about the children.   Let's try to utilize the news to create a better childhood for the eight.   Their father has been trying to get them off TV, they have said they don't want to do it, and they have been showing progressive signs of unhappiness and dysfunction through behavioral problems.   These behavioral problems are consistent with those of other kids who have been unhappy and exploited in entertainment.  Enough is enough.

 

Please be kind in your comments, here and on other sites.   This is not something to be glib, sarcastic or speak lightly about.   These kids need to have their chidhoods given back to them and they need senistivity, not avoiding feelings or the Joan Crawford approach to parenting.   This is a sorry train that's now run off it's very sad tracks.

 

NOTE:  During this discussion I will continue my policy of not printing individual children's names.



Reader Comments (322)

Dear Werny: Thank you for your post. The Gosselin children need therapy, no doubt about it. Why do their parents (and yes, I think Jon is as much to blame) continue to have their children work for them? Why don't they take them off TV? I know Jon has recently protested the filming of his children, but doesn't he still get paid by TLC? Return the money Jon and stand up for your children. Be a father! Two children being expelled from school indicates that there are many problems in their home that need to be addressed. Werny, if you have known about this for some time and did not publish it until now, kudos to you for trying to protect the children. I wish their parents would do the same.

November 10, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterLynn

Let's hope TLC is shelling out big bucks for their therapy. They have blood on their hands and their feet should be held to the fire.

November 10, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterRanda

WG said

"Yet they were driven to the point where they had to have monitors with them at all times at school because of repeated incidents of acting out, and eventually even that wasn't enough."

_________________________________________________

That reminds me of how Steve is Kate's monitor.

The children are seeing their mother getting away with bad behavior without any consequences and now they are behaving the same way.

I feel bad for the kids that were expelled, however, I'm glad the private school is treating the Gosselin kids like any other students and not giving them special treatment.

What makes things worse is that Kate keeps the kids isolated from other friends. If she would let them have a life outside of filming the show, it just might help the kids behave better.

Kate is keeping the generational dysfunction going isn't she.

And now I wonder if anyone will make a next move to save Kate. Let the TLC/Julie May Carson/Kate spin begin.

November 10, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterLauren

Does this expulsion prohibit them from future attendance at this school? I am sure each private school sets up its own rules and guidelines. What a shame for this family. Jon needs to have all the kids removed from her custody immediately. Let her have all assets, and he take the kids. If something isn't done for these kids, I fear that something bad is going to happen. Jon, WAKE UP!

November 10, 2010 | Unregistered Commentertxmom

Yes Lynn, I have known and haven't posted it. I was hoping no one else would either. I have no idea who did it but probably a parent from the school who made money off the story. The kids were sold out again.

I hope so, Randa. IMO these kids are going to need a lot of help and time to recover from the past five years.

I respectfully removed the name of the school from one of your posts. Hope you don't mind.

Lauren, I agree if the kids had more of a normal life at home, like lots of sleepovers and play dates with other kids, their lives would be more balanced and perhaps the filming wouldn't have been so harmful. But it's like they have no life except when they're filming, and even that's a phony life because they do things like film at the corn maze but don't get to actually stay and play. They were whisked in and out, and saw other kids playing,'re social animals and we all need to feel we are a viable part of the human race in order to grow up knowing how to be with others and to feel good about ourselves.

Thanks everyone and have a great afternoon.

November 10, 2010 | Registered CommenterWerny Gal

Randa said:

Let's hope TLC is shelling out big bucks for their therapy. They have blood on their hands and their feet should be held to the fire.

**********************

Why? It's not TLC's responsibility to ensure the educational and emotional well-being of these children. That is THEIR PARENTS' responsibility!

TLC is a for-profit company doing what for-profit companies do. Are they despicable? Well, yes, they are. But PARENTS are responsible for their children, not heartless corporations.

It's just these poor children's sad, bad luck that their own parents are incompetent (in one case) and viciously uncaring (in the other).

What a sad, sick saga.

November 10, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterSue

Does this expulsion prohibit them from future attendance at this school? I am sure each private school sets up its own rules and guidelines. What a shame for this family. Jon needs to have all the kids removed from her custody immediately. Let her have all assets, and he take the kids. If something isn't done for these kids, I fear that something bad is going to happen. Jon, WAKE UP!
___________________________________________________________

I think expulsion means that they can't go back to that school.
I think Jon is doing all he can. It's the courts who are siding with Kate allowing her to film.
Jon is the one standing up for his kids. Another court hearing is scheduled for November 30 so let's hope that the courts will side with Jon.

November 10, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterLauren

You know, I've been of the opinion that this show will derail for a few years now. It was inevitable. But I never stopped to consider that their lives would be the ones de-railing first. I knew it was bad for the kids to be treated like show animals, but I secretly hoped they were happy-at least in some way. It's so incredibly sad for these children. They are beautiful and special and wonderful and they have always been told so, but never really *shown* what those words mean. New clothes and toys and a big house, lots of fancy vacations-those don't show anyone they are loved and valued. Hugs, kisses, holding hands, eye contact, making time, making sacrifices (real ones)-those show someone they are loved and valued and I question whether these kids have ever had that. I wish so much that there was something I could do for them-and any other kids in their situation. All I can do is hug my kids tighter and continue to not watch.

WG-I've followed your blog for a long time and I appreciate what you say and do. Please continue to be a voice for these children-they have so few people on their side.

November 10, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterBoyMom

"Yet they were driven to the point where they had to have monitors with them at all times at school because of repeated incidents of acting out, and eventually even that wasn't enough."

OMG!! Two 6 year old children have been expelled from kindergarten!!

Sheeple, there is now no denying the truth about what goes on behind closed doors. Seriously, how many children do you know that even with monitors still get expelled from kindergarten?

I can only hope and pray that Kate is no longer in denial and that these 2 children are now in therapy.

November 10, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterMickey McKean

Part of being an abused child is the isolation from others that the abuser insists upon. This is protective for the abuser, since it cuts down on the opportunities for disclosure of abuse. It also keeps children from having an accurate sense of what is normal parenting.

I'm not surprised that when the Gosselin children started to have more exposure to other kids (full day kindergarten), and at the same time exposure to more information about what families should be like, they would become so angry that they became aggressive and out of control.

I'm glad this became common knowledge. It shines the spotlight on Kate much brighter. She needs to be exposed as the abusive parent she is.

November 10, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterIDModo

Thank you Werny Gal for starting this thread that 2 of the tups have been expelled from kindergarten.

The fact that you are local of course helps CONFIRM and VERIFY that the story is TRUE.

I say this because the Sheeple are most definitely in denial - it seems that what makes the most sense to them is that Jon and Ellen made up this story to sell it for money.

Meanwhile I'm on the verge of tears for these children that I have never met, that at one time I too was a Sheeple who thought this was a cute show.

Nowadays I hope any other family thinking about selling their children for fame and fortune are watching this Gosselin train wreck and realizing that it is not worth it to sacrifice your own children for the spotlight.

JMO

November 10, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterMickey McKean

Oh Werny- This is so sad for these kids. I sincerely hope that Kate does not or is not trying to home school them. They will end up even more screwed up.

Mickey- Kate said almost a year ago, the kids were acting out and she did not get them therapy...according to Jon's atty. I don't think she will now either.

IDModo- (and Heather)- You both have such great insights. I love reading your posts. You always make me think. Kate is an abuser. I'm glad this is coming out, too. I hope the Judge hears about it and wakes up.

No offense to you IDModo ( you know I love you) but, I doubt Kate will get any help for herself or her kids. I suspect she thinks therapy is a bunch of bull hockey. You know those kinds of people. Voo doo witch doctor crap.

Every now and then, I feel sorry for Kate and then, something like this happens and takes those feelings away. It's hard to feel sympathy for someone who keeps doing it to themselves. You know?

Werny- Thanks for trying to protect the kids.

November 10, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterDiane F.

This whole situation has gotten so far out of control it is beyond scary to contemplate what the immediate future holds for them. As long as they are under Kate's control, there is a disaster waiting to happen. I really believe that. And I also believe that if the courts finally wise up and stop protecting Kate, she will lose it and rather than allow Jon any more contact with them, she is capable of doing real harm to them. I've just never watched or seen anything quite like what is happening right in front of the TV and media and magazine covers -- and the sheeple just keep on defending her, just so they can enjoy their popcorn and evening entertainment. I just don't get it. Their biggest and most long standing defense of her was 'she has the right to raise her kids however she wants'. I guess they will still be saying that even after this.

November 10, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterBarbara

The very LAST thing these kids need is home schooling! These kids have been isolated from other children for years already and only know what they have experienced in their own home. Home schooling will only further isolate them from the rest of the world and the interaction with others that they so desperately need.

What a holy f++king nightmare and shame on BOTH of these parents for squeezing every last dime they could earn out of these kids.

November 10, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterjust wondering

Werny,

I love your blog & the way you champion these poor children...I also hate the
flack you take from posters on some of the other blogs. Kate lovers seem to be downright mean (birds of a feather).

When you say you have known about this for " a while", it surely did not happen before the last court date did it? If so that judge should be ashamed.
Do you know if family court judges in PA are elected or appointed. If elected, this guy should be named so the fine voters of PA can make themselves heard.

November 10, 2010 | Unregistered Commentergranny56

Thanks WG for bringing this forward. We all have known that things will become drastic before they get better. Like Dr Phil says - one must first acknowledge the problem.
Where are our professionals - need them to step up. Sound like these kids have had
such free range that they are hoodlums - age six. Unbelievable.
Thanks for all you do - lets pray.

November 10, 2010 | Unregistered Commentercheryl

Sue, I totally agree with your comment, "It's not TLC's responsibility to ensure the educational and emotional well-being of these children. That is THEIR PARENTS' responsibility!"

Thanks for reading, BoyMom, hope you come back and comment some more.

Diane F, the children are reportedly being home schooled. I have heard they have a teacher coming in to the home rather than being schooled by their mother. I hope they are not being punished or being made to feel badly for what happened, but instead are being listened to and their feelings are being respected. Who wouldn't act out in their circumstances?

About Kate being open to counseling - remember Jon asked her to go to counseling with him before the marriage broke apart, and she refused. Jon ended up going by himself.

Yes, grany66, they are mean and they are bullies. Anonymous and aggressive, they put others down to lift themselves. It's hard to take their opinions seriously because of their poor communication skills and they make themselves and Kate look very bad. Any attempts to sincerely reason with them are met with sarcasm and increased aggression. They only add to the argument that the Kate mentality leaves a lot to be desired.

I did not know about the expulsions at the time of the last court date, but I have known ever since the "suspension" stories came out. I didn't bother to correct them because I didn't want to draw more attention to it.

Thanks for your compassion everyone, and for your continued support of the children.

November 10, 2010 | Registered CommenterWerny Gal

WG said: "Yet they were driven to the point where they had to have monitors with them at all times at school because of repeated incidents of acting out, and eventually even that wasn't enough."
------------------------
Let me preface this by saying that my heart aches for these children - this is simply not their fault. As a veteran of the special ed world (three children who have received services over the years), the above sentence jumped out at me. My children attend public school, but it is my understanding that any services that are provided by a private school are paid for by the school district in which the children reside. Given the Gosselins history of grifting, I know that if I were a taxpayer in their town I would be none too pleased to be paying for a monitor to keep two of the Gosselin children in check because their parents never bothered to teach them any self control.

November 10, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterkonspiracytheory

WG, how ethical of you not to report something that would have sizzled your blog site but hurt two innocent children. I think you have established your credibility and conscience with all of us. I don't know those children, but I feel deeply sad for this distance. I even feel sad for Kate. She has to be hurting in her own way. She does love those children, she is just too immature to express it correctly. She probably won't accept any good advice that is given to her because the investment in her ego outweighs the humility she needs to listen to those wiser than she is. I suspect many of us who have been labeled "haters" are now just heavy-hearted. Thank you.

November 10, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterMaryAnn

I respect you for not naming names, and I agree with all you have said. (and I remember the old post, but not the details. have to finish reading that again)

But since you didn't, I googled. So now I know. Along with that knowledge, came even more information, like

"The source also said that Kate doesn’t even notice their behavior because she’s focusing on her career."

and

"A source told the magazine:

“They’ve fought with their peers, called them nasty names and made fun of other kids. The things they are saying are not words they should know. They are learning them somewhere — but Jon doesn’t know where.”"

and it made me just want to cry.
I know there are children in the world, in our county even, who are worse of - but I can relate (halfway) to these kids and so, for me, it's personal.
And all I can think of is that now homeschooling - in the house all day with Kate?
I'm alternating between wanting to cry and ANGER.

November 10, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterPamelaJaye

I am so very sad about this news.

When I first started watching the show, I shamefully admit that I thought ---- was a brat. It wasn't until a few months later that I realized she isn't a brat at all but rather a very perceptive little girl who "gets" that her own mother is a liar and only gives a bit of attention to the kids when the cameras are rolling. From day one, ---- is the one who outed K8 on her behavior and lies and acted the way she did out of frustration. Now, the younger ones are following suit and it is heartbreaking. K8 does not deserve those children, they are better off without her.

Thank you WG for always keeping it real and thinking of the kids first.

November 10, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterLordy Bee

Yes, Maryann, I agree with your view, "She does love those children, she is just too immature to express it correctly. She probably won't accept any good advice that is given to her because the investment in her ego outweighs the humility she needs to listen to those wiser than she is."

Yes, I have sometimes known things before they are made public, and I always weigh the advantages of saying something to the disadvantages. There are some things that I have never told and don't plan to. The world has become so gossip-hungry and people seem to forget we are talking about real people with feelings. This is especially true online where people can hide behind user names and don't have to be accountable for their words. All this can be very hurtful, especially when it comes to the little ones. It's important to remember they have had no choice in any of this.

November 10, 2010 | Registered CommenterWerny Gal

There's something I want to add. It's fictional so you may find it not appropriate, but it does apply, if you follow it thru, based on the abuse the kids are going thru now, and the apology also made me cry

Setup:
this is from Grey's Anatomy
the lead character, Meredith had an overbearing unsatisfiable mother, screaming mother - Ellis - who left Mer's wimpy father - Thatcher and told him to never come around again. Ellis did this because she was having an affair with Chief Richard Webber, who ultimately would not leave his wife to be with her. But the whole time the affair was going on - he could have said something, when he saw that a child being abused, and he did not.
Now he is here to say that.

It makes me cry every time I watch it. (and even sadder, I think the Gosselin Kids don't even have a Richard, who *could* stand up for them.)

This scene takes place after Richard yells at Meredith for sticking up for an abused child on the premise that Meredith had no right to scream at the child's mother, on the child's behalf. The Chief issues an ultimatum - back off or get fired. Meredith chooses to lose her job rather than stop sticking up for the child.

The Chief Apologizes

Listen especially to the Chief's description of Mer as a little girl. And think - the Gosselin kids, could be described as the Chief described little Meredith, but are living with someone who can NEVER say these positive validating things to them, and who will NEVER be sorry.

November 10, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterPamelaJaye

Pamela Jaye said:

And all I can think of is that now homeschooling - in the house all day with Kate?
I'm alternating between wanting to cry and ANGER.

~~~~~~

I agree completely, Pamela Jaye. As I posted on 15 minutes, I've been homeschooling for 14 years (and counting). I've also led support groups and been a state homeschool conference speaker. I would add that I am a huge advocate of homeschooling when the parents attempt to be mature, loving, kind, and patient, and where the children are loved unconditionally. However, in this case I believe neutral turf--private school, a tutor's house, public school, or SOMETHING--is a better situation for these little ones than being at home. It's very rare I would say that or feel that way--ever.

Thank you, WG, for your sensitive posts regarding the children.

November 10, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterVirginia Pen Mom

Thanks for sharing that, PamelaJaye. I wish that everyone who was neglected or abused as a child could have a healing moment like that. :..)

November 10, 2010 | Registered CommenterWerny Gal

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